The Allure Behind Douchebags & How to Avoid Being Bagged

What is it about complete douchebags that have girls hooked? Perhaps it's their unreliability, general lack of direction in terms of their futures, or utter disregard of women's feelings that instantly induce swooning... The fact of the matter is, despite the plethora of unattractive qualities that nearly all douches, women continually and consistently obsess over men that simply don't care about them.
In my experience, there is simply an indescribable appeal to a man who has wit. With wit, more often times than not, you get douchebaggery. To have a bit of sass often times means that men are a bit full of themselves, whether this is stemming from looks, their "mad game," or even for the hipsters out there, their obscure taste in music.
The key to allowing a douchebag into your life is preventing them from ever getting close to you. Essentially, "insert name of douche" and "feelings" should NEVER be used in the same sentence. This is where nearly every woman fails, and is therefore critical to your happiness in the dating world. The instant you think you may actually want to pursue a relationship with said douche, cut. off. all. connection. I know this sounds rash, but trust us, you will only get hurt in the end.
The biggest mistake women make is continuing to pursue a douche who doesn't care about them. This, naturally, only makes you look desperate and needy...and really, who wants that? So before you post another picture of yourself on Facebook with a caption from the new Taylor Swift song about unrequited love or make a vom inducing status update, think about the following:

• If he hasn't responded to more than one of your text messages, stop texting him. In fact, when things are just starting, never be the first to text him.
• If he hasn't called you in the past 3 days, forget about him.
• If he has made rude comments to you, that aren't sassy, but in fact offensive, give him the boot.
• If he is publicly hitting on and/or hooking up with people and you are semi-serious, cut it off.
• If he only talks to you via Facebook chat....do I even need to say it?
• If he cheats on you, don't forgive him.
• If he drunk texts you repeatedly, this doesn't mean he is secret harboring feelings for you, it means he thinks you're easy.
• If he says one thing but does another, DUNZO.

And with these wise words, I bid you adieu my lovely Lonely Hearts.

Yours truly,
Penny Lane