Flavor of the Week.

Why choose just one when you can have it all?

Today I would like to talk about a man I like to call "The Carnivore". We all know this guy. This is the boy who will go for whatever meat he can get his hands on. A beautiful creature with an IQ he could count on a single hand, but his attractiveness seems to override it all. He can stop a heart with a flash of his teeth and can text over five girls at one time.What a multi-tasker..isn't he talented?? But that's not all he can do. He also has a knack for making you feel very important and confident about yourself. (lifetime warranty not guaranteed)

What more could you want in a man?

Seems to good to be true?

Why yes, you are correct, it is. This boy has the attention span of a puppy. Every new squirrel he sees is his latest and greatest. Chasing whatever he can find on legs, and feeling so accomplished when he catches them all. But this isn't satisfying enough for his carnivorous ways. If one day he decides that he is craving another flavor he will simply put you on the back burner, and there you will sit because he has complete control. "No Strings Attatched" (TM *Nsync) is his favorite jam and he throws around his love like sunflower seeds at a baseball game. The Meat Market is his kingdom and he will never come down off of his gilded thrown of lies.

I recently met this type at a party and foolishly started falling for his snare. Could it be possible that a boy like him actually cared about a girl like me? We chatted for hours and I felt a great connection with him. At the end of the night I told him where I lived, assuming that he would not remember. He then surprised me with a text a few nights later. So smooth and sweet, I felt on top of the world! This went on for a few days and to say I was on cloud nine would be an understatement. Then at last, one miraculous day he appeared at my door step. I was so excited to be reunited with my new found love.

....soon reality sets in.

Minutes after he arrived I came to the realization that this was all a part of his scheme. He had actually come over to meet my roommates, so charming and gorgeous they thought he was. They absolutely loved the attention he gave, and like me, they were eating out of the palm of his hand. He wasn't coming to see me, he was simply there to add a link or two onto his chain.
He and my roommates kept having these fabulous visits but soon relocated to his apartment where they would stay until the crack of dawn. He has now had face time with both, and do they mind? Why of course not, and neither does he. This is how he gets to the top of the food chain.
To this day he comes over to flirt and sweep my roommates off their feet. His empty compliments and touchy ways send a chill up my spine. I can't help but walk upstairs and let the insanity happen beneath me. Ladies Ladies Ladies...have a brain, and don't be another link on his chain.

On this note, PLEASE beware of the carnivore, for he is climbing in your windows and snatching your roommates up. So hide your feelings and hide your pride...he's coming for you, he's gonna find you..he's gonna find you.

And as Professor Beyonce Knowles so wisely stated: "All my single ladies, all my single ladies, all my single ladies put your hands up."

May we all stay single and sane forever,
Charlotte.

Is it even WORTH it?

My precious Lonely Hearts,

I find myself troubled. I currently reside in a deep funk that has lasted pretty much all day. I did, however, see it's onset approaching last night, after I got back from what I thought was going to be a date. But as always when it comes to men, I was wrong. I seem to continually give them the benefit of the doubt lately. Who am I to hand out such hopeful thoughts to these completely oblivious and overall careless little boys? They don't deserve my optimism! 

Case in point: I literally had myself feeling nervously ill yesterday, knowing that I was going on a date with a handsome, stylish, and witty (not to mention older) guy that night. He was to pick me up to go to a cheap little Mexican joint, where I owed him his favorite breakfast burrito after he covered me for a school trip-related expense. Little did I know this outing to him was simply a "break from studying", in which he brought his fellow-studying roommate with him. Completely thrown off, I decide to let it slide. After all, he very well could have secretly brought his roommate as a source of approval for whether or not I was a cool girl he could see himself dating. Plausible, right? So we proceed with our little "hang out", and I quite quickly realize that this guy, who I had gotten to know so well over the past few days, was not who I hoped he would be. Constantly talking about himself, acting like a FOOL, and letting his roommate converse with me more than he even attempted to showed me one thing: just how ridiculous I had been to be getting SO worked up over this guy. Side note - please read each of those all-capitalized words with heavy emphasis. Trust me, if they were read out loud, they'd be pronounced longer and projected at a high volume. You catch my drift.

I came home with a look of pure embarrassment and disgust as my roommates asked me how it went. And from then on, I vowed to myself to never let any guy let me turn into that giddy of a mess EVER again. It's so shameful, especially when nothing comes from it. Was the minutes upon minutes spent thinking of witty responses to texts, dressing up to try and fit his style, and the overall stress even worth it? Is it ever worth that much WORK? I hate to say it but no. Not at all. So don't waste your time ladies. I would say "go ahead and put yourselves out there" to nab the guy... just don't be crushed when nothing comes from your effort. You've been warned!

Take care out there,

Tracy

"That's the thing about being the product of happily married parents. You grow up thinking that the fairytale is real, and more than that, you think you're entitled to live it. So far, though, it wasn't working out as planned."

- Nicholas Sparks, The Choice

Thank you Onion, for saying things we never could

Ain't it the truth...

My apologies...

Dear Lonely Hearts,

I am DEEPLY sorry for my absence from this blog thus far. I'll have you have you know that the pressures of schoolwork and life in general have kept me away from sharing with you my portion of anti-relationship wisdom. However, I would like to thank Penny a MILLION times over for her witty and wise words, not to mention the many fabulous quotes she has left. How inspiring.
Alright, time to get down to business. Ladies, I couldn't agree more with Penny about douchebags and their overwhelming ability to suck us in. Therefore, I'd like to add one more gem of information: these class-acts will simply NEVER change. Sure, they could mature over time and occasionally display gentleman-like acts, but you know deep down inside that they're still the same. Example? Sure. I'm not going to play the name game here, so we'll give this exemplar of a man the title of: "The Roommate's Brother". I can't tell you how many times his cocky attitude has made me want to throw up (all over him, preferably). Let me give you a couple choice quotes that have once escaped his insensitive, disgusting mouth:

1) "I feel like I'm only known for those I make out with. Like, random girls will come up to me and be like 'Didn't you make out with my friend that one time?'"
2) After being asked why he continues to hang out with a particular girl, he says "A mouth is a mouth!"

I'll stop there. Basically, I just want to know why statements like these would EVER be considered acceptable, especially when you're saying them in front of a girl (myself) that you don't even know very well!  How does that make you come across? Like a DOUCHE, that's how! Even though "The Roommate's Brother" and I still hang out to this day (as friends, mind you), I'm no longer afraid to call him out on his ridiculous behavior. Ladies, please follow suit and put these men in their places! It can only help, right?

Good luck to you all,
Tracy

The Allure Behind Douchebags & How to Avoid Being Bagged

What is it about complete douchebags that have girls hooked? Perhaps it's their unreliability, general lack of direction in terms of their futures, or utter disregard of women's feelings that instantly induce swooning... The fact of the matter is, despite the plethora of unattractive qualities that nearly all douches, women continually and consistently obsess over men that simply don't care about them.
In my experience, there is simply an indescribable appeal to a man who has wit. With wit, more often times than not, you get douchebaggery. To have a bit of sass often times means that men are a bit full of themselves, whether this is stemming from looks, their "mad game," or even for the hipsters out there, their obscure taste in music.
The key to allowing a douchebag into your life is preventing them from ever getting close to you. Essentially, "insert name of douche" and "feelings" should NEVER be used in the same sentence. This is where nearly every woman fails, and is therefore critical to your happiness in the dating world. The instant you think you may actually want to pursue a relationship with said douche, cut. off. all. connection. I know this sounds rash, but trust us, you will only get hurt in the end.
The biggest mistake women make is continuing to pursue a douche who doesn't care about them. This, naturally, only makes you look desperate and needy...and really, who wants that? So before you post another picture of yourself on Facebook with a caption from the new Taylor Swift song about unrequited love or make a vom inducing status update, think about the following:

• If he hasn't responded to more than one of your text messages, stop texting him. In fact, when things are just starting, never be the first to text him.
• If he hasn't called you in the past 3 days, forget about him.
• If he has made rude comments to you, that aren't sassy, but in fact offensive, give him the boot.
• If he is publicly hitting on and/or hooking up with people and you are semi-serious, cut it off.
• If he only talks to you via Facebook chat....do I even need to say it?
• If he cheats on you, don't forgive him.
• If he drunk texts you repeatedly, this doesn't mean he is secret harboring feelings for you, it means he thinks you're easy.
• If he says one thing but does another, DUNZO.

And with these wise words, I bid you adieu my lovely Lonely Hearts.

Yours truly,
Penny Lane

"And my head told my heart, let love grow. But my heart told my head, this time, no."
- Mumford & Sons "Winter Winds"

"Being single is getting over the illusion that there is somebody out there to complete you and taking charge of your own life."

- Omkar Phatak

Ironic Street Sign

Coincidence? I think not.

"Romance has been elegantly defined as the offspring of fiction and love."

- Benjamin Disraeli

Valentine's Day

Iron your black clothing and whip out your barf bags people, because it is once again that time of year- Valentine’s Day. A nationally revered day filled with pink, hearts, chocolates, flowers, and dropping the L-Bomb. That’s right L-O-V-E. While some people look forward to this seemingly precious holiday for months, many loathe it, as it’s largely unnecessary. To quote Lauren Conrad, “the holiday seems to exist so that if you're in a relationship you are happy, and if you're not in a relationship, it only reminds you that you are alone.”

I mean, let’s be real here, if you are with someone, you shouldn’t need a holiday to buy them flowers or chocolates or take them out on a date, and if you’re single it’s quite nauseating seeing all these duos out and about displaying overwhelming PDA. Whatever your situation may be, V-Day should frankly be more appropriately named D-Day. As in, Dooms-Day, Day of Death, Dur-da-Dur Day….use your imagination.

It seems that one can’t even walk into a store without being overwhelmed by the aisle shrouded in hearts and stuffed animals. But fear not, the LHC exists for a reason. D-Day is not a time to get down on yourself for not being in a relationship- it should be a reminder that you aren’t for a reason. While many will revere in mush and gush on February 14^th, we shall celebrate in single-hood, because in the end, we will be much happier anyways.

Yours truly,

Penny Lane